Setting Precedents
All bad precedents begin as justifiable measures - Julius CaesarThis past week was rough even by drama-queen standards.
I came out of a perfect weekend and a Mon in bed recovering from perfection and somehow, in my giddiness, I stumbled into the twilight zone.
I was totally confused and utterly bewildered by what had happened. It wasn't so much the event but my reaction to it that caused concern. I couldn't sleep at all and I didn't eat. I played back the scenario over and over in my mind and repeatedly failed to comprehend how I let it happen and why I didn't just shake this off like I always did. The mental/emotional overload quickly manifested itself physically in acute stomach pains and I spent Tues in bed clutching my mid-section and praying for relief. After a full day of wallowing, I managed to drag myself to work on Wed, Thurs and even Fri, but each day was progressively more unproductive as I became consumed with a need to understand why I faltered. That was all I could think about... Well, that and the fact that a whole week had gone by and I hadn't received an apology or a hint of remorse from someone who was most certainly aware that he had upset me!
Nope, I won't tolerate being treated like that or spoken to in that tone or being blamed for something that I hadn't done. So what if I had gotten angry at that crucial moment and said things that were untruthful and downright malicious? What else does someone expect in that situation? I thought I made things clear. I deserve an apology. I demand to be treated with respect - no exceptions!
After much consideration, I figured it out - I'm too nice! No, really, I'm too nice sometimes. I allow myself to forget that not everyone that smiles with me is my friend. I fail to remember that people will treat me the way I allow them to treat me. It's common knowledge that if you let somebody get away with something once, they will do it again.
Having admitted that, I might as well accept that my wounds were self-inflicted and the only thing that was really hurt was my pride because I didn't get my way this time. He never lied to me. He never pretended to care. He did disrespect me, but I never enforced the "apology necessary" clause before, so there is no conceivable reason to expect him to follow that rule now.
I haven't spoken to him since then and I had no intention of doing that either. Unfortunately, nobody gets to demand respect. We all have to earn it, so I should apologise for my part in this debacle because it's the polite thing to do. It's only right to treat people the way that you would like to be treated.
As justifiable as I may want to think my actions are, it's time to stop setting bad precedents!
posted by S.M. @ 4:19 pm
14 Comments:
Hey sunshine, since when do you let guys upset you? You've changed so much. I hope things are better now.
Hold on, you got pissed cause some guy didn't apologise to you and you made urself sick? You need a good slap. And I'm not gonna apologise for that :-P
i feel sorry for any mofo that has to deal with your dark side.. you're not pleasant when in biotch mode. i'm just glad it's not me this time.
-J.
It doesn't sound like this is someoen that you should care about anyways Sher. Leave it alone!
Ok, so the guys make fun of me and the girls empathise (?)... the point of the post was that you have to set boundaries and curb bad habits early on. It was also an opportunity to remind us about that do unto others thing and be nice to people even when you feel like you have every reason not to be. It's all about taking the high road, right?
& FYI: -
Kevin: You WILL pay for that comment!
Jason: Biotch mode? WTF guy? Am I not ALWAYS nice to you?!? You're gonna get it!
Ermmm..i'm not sure exactly what transpired between you two but it enrages me to know that some guy got to you that much..I always try to remember in such situations that it is our own mind that has the power to make us miserable or set us free...letting go actually takes much strength, but as John Seccada (think that's his name) once sang: "I'm free...I'm free...things are only as important as i want them to be!" Sorry i wasn't there to comfort you in person, Sher..but know that i always care (hey, that last bit could be a poem..rhymes & everything :)! Anyways, chin-up girl and keep trekking like you always do..i agree with Michelle..this guy doesn't seem to be worth it..in fact, my motto is: "No man is worth your tears!" But you can't help crying sometimes over the bastards, eh? Well, just let it out..let go & move on..Think i've outdone myself here. Till later..hope i've helped.
Hah!
You said so much here, yet I don't follow the connections. It was also quite interesting to read the comments. Ok, you say you demand respect... "no exceptions" yet later you state that you know respect is earned. I'm sorry/disappointed that you made yourself sick. "He never lied" to you but you deserve an apology... for what? And that "enforced the apology necessary clause" - you crack me up! Get over it... move on.
Well Dearest, I thought that I deserved apology but after consideration, I realised that I couldn't expect one because I had already set that precedent. Also, I was going about things all wrong by demanding respect, as none of us can do that.
I knew you'd be disappointed... I hope you feel better now that I'm over it.
Vannie:
OMG, it's either that none of you read the whole post OR that I totally misrepresented the situation!
Summary as follows:
- really upset because I let somebody disrespect me (totally my fault).
- refused to talk to said person because I felt that I deserved an apology and was unwilling to do otherwise until I got what I wanted.
- concluded that I had to do the right thing regardless of how I felt
- got over it, reinforced what I already knew, sharing my experience with you
There - that's all. It could have been any "somebody", just happens to be a guy in this scenario. There was no crying in the rain or any such melodrama.
:-)
yeah Sher we got that..just remember that some people will disappoint you and you will disappoint urself and you'll deal with it.
here's a challenge: try wasting your time onthe ppl who actually care about you.
-J.
Hoping you use situations such as these to make yourself stronger and not have small issues turn into large problems that negatively affect your day-to-day life.
Don't beat yourself up over other people's mistakes - that's what makes life interesting. There's no such thing as caring too much..
I agree with J. Just remember life is full of ups & downs & most times the people who has us on the down side really don't care. So remember in spite of what people may say, learn from the situation & move on.
Mr. gj (I assume you're a guy from that tone) you should read carefully and then maybe you could "make the connections". Why are you so defensive - was it you? Sorry Sherz!
Some people just aren't worth your time. You know that.
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